Anal Cyst Petitions Court for Removal From Limbaugh’s Sphincter


limbaugh-cigar1

I’d like to try something different.

Above I’ve provided a tile for an article to which I would guess that many of you may be able to contribute — much in the way folks contribute to Wikipedia. I know that may of you write and are funny as sh$t, so how about a go?

To participate, simply reply to this post in the box below and I’ll include/edit your comments into a complete story.  Don’t feel you must come up with an entire story–just funny bits that I can combine to wind up with one.

Keep it clean–and let’s have some fun with this.

VERSION 1:

Dallas, Texas:

Fox News National Bureau reports that in a remarkable fit of mutation, an anal cyst became sentient last November. So far, baffled scientists are left unable to explain.

Its miraculous transformation became public knowledge today when “Arthur” (as he prefers to be called) filed suit against his host, conservative radio personality Rush Limbaugh.

Arthur revealed earlier today that he first became self aware just after the Presidential election. He found he was able to use his newly formed mouth to communicate.  At first, no one noticed his muffled cries for help since everyone is used to Rush talking out his ass.

Suspecting something was awry, Rush first confided in Dr. Laura. “Since the election, I’ve been hearing voices saying things like ‘hey, lard-ass…get the F**k off me!  How’s a guy supposed to breathe up in here?”

Dr. Laura explained that she wasn’t a real doctor but her good friend, former House Majority Leader/ex-republican senator from Tennessee, Bill Frist could diagnose it–as long as Rush allowed her to videotape Arthur.  Once Rush “dropped trou,” the irate cyst put on quite a show for Dr. Laura and her camera.

Rush overnighted the tape to Dr. Frist, who stopped killing cats long enough to diagnose Rush’s problem, the tape showed that the cyst was clearly alive. Not only did it responded to stimuli, it had a mind of its own.

The problem became more grave, when after further testing, Arthur’s  intellect was demonstrably greater than its host’s, Mr. Limbaugh.

This drove Rush into a maddened frenzy.

According to Dr. Rodney Reagan of Health South Inc., Limbaugh ” destroyed half his clinic’s furniture as he tried to claw the cyst from his butt crack with his bare hands.”

Rush’s corpulence kept Arthur safely beyond Rush’s grasp and although he begged, no one offered him a “reach-around”.  He doggedly continued, until his sweaty, writhing body wrenched and convulsed before collapsing in a steaming heap, unconscious on the clinic floor.

Once revived, Rush ordered the Doctor to “cut that tax and spend, liberal co#$%^!ker off me!!!” Dr. Reagan refused claiming “Mr. Limbaugh’s request was unethical since the cyst seemed the more intelligent of the two”.

Having once represented Mr. Limbaugh, The ACLU was contacted on Arthur’s behalf until its legal status could be established. In the meantime, Rush remains sedated.

(Thanks, Robin)

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This entry was posted in Action, Bigots, Entertainment, Human Behavior, Humor, I deserve a break today, pop culture, Ridiculous/Absurd, Scum Bags, Soup du jour and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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