God’s Sacred Weed: Lay Off Michael Phelps


Yesterday I heard that law enforcement officials were thinking of prosecuting Michael Phelps for smoking weed, which I find troubling because: on the basis of a picture, how can it be constitutional–there could have been anything in that bowl. As far as I know, the crime is possession/trafficking, not SMOKING pot.  And finally, even though the photo may be proof that Michael looked to be smoking something, I serious doubt that Mr. Phelps is a “Stoner”.

I couldn’t agree more with YouTube sympathizers who feel Michael Phelps should be complimented on his alleged pot use.

If you’ve ever used pot, you know that motivation isn’t an abundant by-product. “The munchies” is.  Pot tends to make one want to relax,  sit back, space out and eat.  It lowers inhibitions but can increase paranoia, the latter mainly due to the fact that it’s freaking illegal– one of the dumbest laws in the universe.

I always liked pot.  It’s very pleasant and really does help relieve certain types of pain.  I used to smoke it every chance I got and there were many.   I think I’ve partaken 3 times in the last 12 years but if it were legal, I’d smoke it regularly.   If my sons want to smoke it, I say “Mahzeltov,” just don’t get busted–and stay home when stoned or if you go out, at least have a sober driver .  The same rules apply to weed and motion/vehicles as to alcohol–except with pot, you don’t speed.  You may get clocked going 13 MPH, however–on an interstate.

Eating weed is by far the best way to enjoy it.  It’s a whole different experience. Just don’t plan on doing anything for several hours after ingesting it. Just sit back, crank up some tunes or a good film and enjoy.  In fact, you may not even need a TV. I had a friend that once watched “The Big Valley” on an upstairs TV after we’d made some brownies. The only problem was, this was BEFORE cable, “The Big Valley” had been off the tube for a decade and there was NO TV on the second floor! That’s what I’m talking about.marijuana11

Marijuana is far safer than any other intoxicating substance I’m aware of and has medicinal qualities to boot.  If our myopic, self-absorbed, monomaniacal, hypocritical, alcohol-soaked legislators would stop drinking and substitute pot, they may get less done but they’d be healthier and far less belligerent.

Music sounds WAY better when you’re stoned.  That chamber music that C-SPAN plays during Senate lulls and votes, if actually piped into a room of baked legislators, would make “The SPAN” far more entertaining to watch

Food tastes better, too.  In fact, most sensory data–including touch and smell– is exaggerated, some would say, “enhanced” by pot’s unique effects. If pot were legal, we’d see Chee-tos on the Senate Floor.  As for its productivity, we still have caffeine.  And man, does good coffee taste amazing when you’re stoned.

Good pot may play tricks on vision but the other senses seem to respond with a richness and sensitivity that many find extremely pleasant, if not inspiring.  But those big graphs and pie charts Senators use would probably have to blink and shit, otherwise they’d space out and miss the point.  (As if they “get it” now?)  In fact, they’d probably have to avoid “Pie Charts” altogether–far too suggestive to a THC-enhanced brain…especially early in the day. Closer to lunch would be cool.

Most of my friends and I gained weight when we smoked pot regularly.  Like I said, it gives you the “munchies”.  Snack foods taste incredible–sweets are simply amazing.

So, looking at svelte Michael, I must assume that either his metabolism is so efficient that he could ingest cream and churn butter internally without gaining an ounce or he simply isn’t a chronic pot user.  I read about how much the guy can eat and it’s mountains of food.  Perhaps he does have the “munchies”.  His eyes are red from the chlorine, not from thechong-show_57_1 pot (chlorine is a great ruse).  I used to carry Visine.

So my guess is that even though Mr. Phelps carelessly got his picture taken APPARENTLY partaking in “God’s sacred weed, ” (another one of His many gifts that we choose to ignore)  Michael likely IS NOT a “Tommy Chong” clone. He’s too disciplined, too motivated, too active, WAY too fit and probably too busy.

Could he use?  Surely but I’d think he’d need to have someone else score his dope–he’s too well known.

Was it dumb to be photographed sucking on a bong?  Like I said, pot loosens you up.  Either he didn’t see the guy taking the photo or did and was so blasted, he simply didn’t care at that moment.  Yeah, pot can make you careless. I didn’t say it was perfect, just that it’s pretty good.

You go, Michael.

This entry was posted in 60s and 70s Music, 90s Rock, Action, Alternative Rock, Bad, Bigots, Blues, Entertainment, Films, Fusion, Government, Hard Rock, History, Human Behavior, Humor, Hurting, Jazz, National, Offensive, politics, pop culture, Reason, Religion, Soul-searching, Soup du jour, Trends that suck, Wish You Were Here and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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