If Women Are This Tough, Why Are Their Bathrooms So Fancy?


mom-pg-ouch

OOooouuuucccchH!

Women always seem to mention their superior pain tolerance citing childbirth, which as any man who’s witnessed it must admit, looks vastly more painful than a direct, forceful kick square  in the nut sack.

Anyone who’s experienced a groin pull may also be sympathetic to women on this account. Childbirth is obviously a painful process, in part due to its relentlessness.  Women soldier on until the bundle of joy presents itself.

jennifer-frigge

In a feat of endurance, determination and grit, 56 year-old Jennifer Figge of Colorado, recently became the first woman to swim the Atlantic. I’m 56 and would have dropped like an anvil.

AFP reports: “Her journey began at the Cape Verde islands off the west coast of Africa on January 12. It should have been 1,900 miles (3,000 kilometers), but inclement weather forced the crew almost 1,000 miles (1,600 kilometers) off course.  The exact distance Figge swam is still being verified.”

A man did this, too but he was 31 years old and swears he’ll never do it again (who can blame him?)

Okay, so women are tough.  They certainly put up with deep buckets of crap from us men.  I think I handle pain better than my wife but she’s way less than half my size.  I have a high resistance to sedatives and painkillers, which is in part due to my size.  When I’m in physical pain , like most men, I don’t cry–I wince, swear, hit stuff and snarl. So since women may be quicker to cry, we assume they’re not as “tough” as we men–and in so doing, perhaps we err.  There are many women I wouldn’t tangle with, believe me.

But if women are so tough, why are their rest rooms so much nicer than ours?  I first became aware of this as a janitor.  I then gave it little thought. Guy’s crappers are utilitarian… merely a place to “jettison ballast” as an old friend of mine would say.  We’re in and out…but the ladies?  Now, that’s another story altogether.

Trite jokes poke fun at women’s bathroom habits. For one thing, they go to the bathroom together.  Guys don’t get a bit of that–but if we had restrooms as nice as theirs, I wonder if we’d  linger longer?  (Probably not, since some guys would be uneasy to see other guys hangin’ out, just chillin’. Just ask “wide-stance” buckaroo Larry Craig.

ladys-room

Why do ladies enjoy trips to “The Loo”? Well, for starters, some women’s bathrooms are a little like resorts.   They have muted lighting, art, comfortable seating–even couches, candles, fresh flowers and soft music.  Powder Rooms provide  a destination to which women can flock to take care of essential “business,” handle unexpected “visitors,” conduct meetings, strategize and buy time.  They can be a sanctuary, a place to make necessary adjustments, a place to get constructive fashion criticism and perhaps to modify one’s appearance.

Even in a nice hotel, the best men can hope for is maybe a clean room.  Some really high class joints feature attendants who hand out heated towels, talc and cologne for tips and to be honest,  as amenities go, this is one I can do without.

A Hyatt opened up near an upscale  Disney World-like retail attraction built not far from my house–a faux village erected as a shrine to rabid materialism.  The hotel is luxurious.  When it was being built, my kids and their friends were in middle school and it soon became a destination.

Its opulence appealed to them. They also liked to people watch there as well as draw  stares from what seemed to them its “carriage trade” patrons.  The men’s room was nice enough: marble floors, granite counters, even soft music and a lamp table with silk flowers.  One adventurous lad  in our group wondered what the ladies room was like and on a dare, checked it out.

ladys-room-m2

Do I detect the sweet scent of Jasmine mingling with potpourri?

It was the end of innocence.  He exited wide-eyed, describing a spectacle akin to the Taj Mahal, upon which, all the boys had to witness the sumptuous appointments therein as I stood watch.  In subsequent visits, with new friends in tow, the adventure repeated until the hotel became too popular and the risk being discovered was too great.

At their worst, men’s room are little more than a hole in a wall or trough, with a toilet or toilets soaked in urine because so many guys don’t bother to lift the lid–they just stand there and let go.

At least one toilet won’t flush–of course, several guys make “deposits” before giving up on it,  so it’s “topped out.” Overflowing bowls filled with “floaters”  saturate soggy toilet paper that squishes underfoot. Perhaps this is why most men waste no time in there.  It’s well, disgusting.

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gas-station-toilet

restroomm-dirty-urinals


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bathroom-tour

Women would never stand for this.  I haven’t done a meaningful survey but suspect from my limited sampling that the overall quality/cleanliness of women’s sanitary facilities is better than that of men’s across the board.  I have no opinion as to why this is the case but if women are indeed as tough as they appear, it seem as though  word of it hasn’t gotten out to those who design and install “powder” rooms.

So if you fellas’ feel diminished by your lady friend’s pain tolerance or claims regarding their superiority in this area, discreetly show them to where we’re forced do our business.  It may level the playing field a bit.

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One Response to If Women Are This Tough, Why Are Their Bathrooms So Fancy?

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