Sweet Jumpin’ MOSES!
WASHINGTON, D.C.- Approving a bill authored by the Franklin Mint, Focus on the Family, Cato Institute and the Heritage Foundation, the U.S. House of Representatives today UNANIMOUSLY voted to spend a minimum of ONE MILLION DOLLARS–again, that’s ONE MILLION DOLLARS— to celebrate, venerate, mark, observe, honor, hail, hearken, keep, herald, trumpet, commemorate, memorialize, pay homage to, hallow, behold, regard and recognize the 100th anniversary of the birth of the high savior and patron saint of the Republican Party, B-Movie actor, direct descendant of Yahweh and past President of the United States (#40,) the most honorable Ronald Wilson Reagan.
In other news, a two-story, 75,000 sq. ft. marble and opal-encrusted shrine will be built in Nashville, Tennessee (“Music City, USA)” to honor the career accomplishments of Freddie Fender…
Hell just froze over, the Loch Ness Monster has been captured, Federal Marshals located the remains of Jimmy Hoffa and as I write this, a steady stream of winged sea monkeys exits, at extreme velocity, my aching, distended ass.