In a public “Tea Party” incident yesterday Samuel Joesph Wurzelbacher, king of clogged traps, the ubiquitous rightie chameleon surfaced again and spoke to the assembled party faithful, saying,
“I’m here for one reason and one reason only: It’s I love America.”
(“…because only in America could I get so rich behind this s**t.” No, that’s what he was thinking!).
Hanging onto every word, amid explosive applause, the audience witnessed the spectacle, the splendor that is simply, “Joe”. (Click on the pic to order your very own “Velvet Joe.” They’re simply gorgeous. Just look at `em!)
But GOP Joe wasn’t there to sell paintings. Far from it–he intended to inspire, create doubt, cast aspersions and in general, “stir up the pot” a wee bit.
“Mainstream media wants to paint us as a bunch of extremists, right? We’re in search of liberty and our freedoms. What’s so extreme about that?” Known for his extreme wit and candor, in one fleeting moment of uncommon lucidity, Wurzelbacher admitted, “I’m just regurgitating…I believe in common sense.”
And regurgitate he did, right into the waiting, gaping mouths of his appreciative, hungry flock. Wurzelbacher went on to note our country’s headlong plunge into socialism, its out of control spending, high taxes, his love for America, yada yada.
Next, Joe the bloviating septic tank savior offered this:
“Let me give you another extremist view, ‘In God We Trust’…Say that too loud in some parts of America and you will be SHOT! It’s terrible.”
“Joe” neglected to mention exactly where in America folks who utter this popular phrase can can actually ANTICIPATE getting ” capped”…nor did he report any bona-fide occurrences of “In God We Trust” homicides. But Joe knows…and thanks to Joe, now so do we. So be careful… somewhere!
Upon completion of his comments, he paused. Looking up, Joe raised both arms to the heavens, at which point, thick clouds parted to emit a column of intense, golden-white light… some of which was instantly returned upward by his radiant, unadorned skull. Engulfed by the beam with both arms extended, the scent of fresh-baked cookies permeated the crowd. Angelic voices beckoned sweetly as he began to rise ever so majestically overhead, appearing to get smaller and smaller…until he was visible no more.
As of this writing, there are no confirmed reports of any camera capturing the image of his ascension. They rendered nothing but frames of white. Joe left nothing behind but his memory. I guess we must just believe. Wish I coulda’ seen it, though. Yep–I wish I coulda’ SEEN it.