Every time I mow my lawn I run over countless organisms of higher purpose and intellect than Glenn Beck. I once noticed one in my wake a row over. It was small and furry. I thought it a mouse, but it wasn’t. I never figured out what it was but it appeared mammalian. Being lifeless, I offered a quick prayer, crossed myself and tossed it into the bushes.
As a Democrat Socialist, as much as I enjoy killing small, furry animals, I have to occasionally put it aside to scheme with my comrades as we plan the ultimate demise of democracy and transition to full-blown communism (I know they’re not the same, but the GOP fails to make the distinction, so why bother explaining it?)
I take comfort knowing that Glenn Beck is there to clarify such mundane details. Through Glenn’s, eyes (a window to his –and GOD’s–soul) I find the glory. Dear Glenn…sweet, sensitive Glenn.
But Beck has his detractors. Go figure. Take Whoopi Goldberg. (No one else wants her). How dare such a washed-up, has-been malign such a magnanimous human being as Mr. Beck? It’s like pissing on St. Peter’s sandal. You will atone, Whoopi. Some day, you will regret–you WILL atone!
PS: Note to Mr. Beck- I mow my lawn every Thursday, am typically in a hurry and although I wouldn’t stop, even if I saw your lacerated gimp-ass writhing the next row over, I’d run inside to get some salt for your wounds.
Ohhh, that sounds hateful. I may have as you said in air quotes of Nancy Pelosi, “misspoken!” Now see what you made me do? I have to go to confession! Drat!