Change in Data Reporting Sidesteps Saddest Employment Numbers in Recent History


Ronald Told That He Deserves a Break Today

Ronald Told That He Deserves a Break Today

NEW YORK (CNNMoney.com)

While no one appears to have found work since the last dismal reporting period, government bureaucrats are toasting the success of a new tack through which they ignore unemployment stats to instead report that the rate of JOB LOSSES declined in December...good news indeed.

An unnamed source in the Department of Labor says “We hit it out of the park this time.  I was sitting in the meeting when Lloyd (last name withheld) just blurted it out.  We were stupefied–it was SO simple.  By switching the focus from dire unemployment stats to lower job losses, we can report uplifting news despite dismal performance displayed by virtually every other economic indicator.  It’s pure genius!”

“It’s great that fewer people are losing their jobs,” says R. Taylor Randolph, an unemployed executive chef in Radcliffe, NJ.  “Our employment office closed two years ago, but before it did, the wait to see a counselor was over three hours.”

Sally Markham, an out-of-work production manager in Osage City, KS commented “It’s so much easier to look for work now. We don’t even have to leave home. The computer  job boards keep me busy most days.”  Pouring four fingers of Everclear into a jelly jar, Sally chirped,  “It would be nice if employers actually responded, but at least it gives me something to do.”  Outside, Sally’s two year old, Sean, playing in dirt perilously close to lip of the family’s 10-foot deep, empty, in-ground pool was heard to whimper, “mommy, I’m hungry”.

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